There have been solid theories for everything in the world- science, psychology, sociology. However, dieting is one subject that no one knows what to believe. Every day, there is a new diet which promises nirvana to all those millions who dream of finding that one shot solution to their weight problems!
Just the other day, I was watching my favourite series “Doctor Who” on my phone. For the uninitiated, Doctor Who is a 900-year-old time traveller (he looks very young and handsome for his age) who loves to solve alien and not so alien problem on Earth (because that is where all his programs are broadcasted). Anyways, this time, the Doctor is faced with a very interesting issue. A nanny from Planet Adipose arrives on Earth. Her assignment is to create babies from surrogates on Earth. However, the surrogates are not your usual ladies who would rent their womb. Infact, far from that! She needs people who want to lose their real or imagined weight because her babies will be made from the fat cells of human beings (hence the name adipose). Her marketing tactic is very simple! She claims that if you take the pill (which is a transmitter cum baby creator) the ‘fat will simply walk away’ (i.e., the babies formed will simply walk away). In the process, many people end up losing a lot of weight and some even their lives.
When I saw this episode, for a moment I wondered what would happen if this situation was real? If I was every offered such an option, would I take it?
I have no qualms in admitting that I have never been a petite 36-24-36 girl that people expect as a result of binge watching Bollywood movies. Before marriage, I wasn’t petite but I was not even fat. I have always been a broad shouldered, relatively large built person. However, the boys and their family mostly wanted a size zero girl (even before Kareena Kapoor popularized the term).
I remembered my parents and me visiting an astrologer before my marriage who had predicted, “Ye ladki shaadi se pehle patli nahin ho sakti. Iski Chandra ki dasha hai.” (This girl cannot slim down before marriage because she has a moon dasha). We wanted him to interpret my horoscope because my parents were worried about my marriage. I was eldest in my entire extended family and every one was pestering my parents for my marriage (no wonder the relatives are usually defined as pestering organisms who will especially infect you if you are leading a relatively trouble free life). The astrologer in question was more interested in interpreting my health than my horoscope and the rebel in me woke up!
I decided to prove him wrong. I would slim down before marriage and show him who’s the boss! With that aim in mind, I was ready to try out every diet and exercise available in the market!
General Motors Diet
The first diet which I tried (because it promised that I would lose at least 8 kilos by the end of it) was the General Motors diet or the GM diet. It was a seven day diet plan. On day one, I ate all fruits except bananas. I ate so much of water melon and muskmelon that I didn’t want to see them for the rest of my life. The second day was all about a boiled potato and cooked and uncooked vegetables of every shape and size. On day three, I could eat all fruits and vegetables except bananas and potatoes. Day four was even tougher because my diet was just about bananas and milk. One day five, after what seemed like a long time, I ate brown rice with six tomatoes. On day six, it was brown rice with all vegetables except potatoes, while day seven was brown rice with all vegetables. When I stood on the scale on day 8, to my delight I discovered I had lost 6 kilos. I was ready to go back to the astrologer but then I thought I would go back as this slim, svelte girl and prove his predictions wrong for ever. But before that, I decided to have a hearty meal of home cooked vegetables, chapatis, rice and dal which was lovingly prepared by my grandmother who believed that adding ghee to the food was the ultimate test of her love! The result? After that love-rich diet, I gained 2 kilos! But that deter me from my aim of proving the astrologer wrong!
Diet Plan to the T(ea)
I was quite despondent when I reached my office the next day. When my colleague Aditi heard my story, she immediately told me to switch to her ‘tea’ diet plan. She said that she had lost at least 10 kilos with this plan. I could eat anything but the catch was that I had to drink a cup of tea before every meal or craving. The tea could be with or without milk but without sugar. I liked the idea. It was simple enough to follow until a fateful Sunday when I visited the mall. To my consternation, I saw Aditi enjoying golgappas and chat with her friends. I felt utterly betrayed and decided to indulge too. The next day, three out of six of those lost kilos came back with a vengeance and I got acidity as a complementary gift! Blame it on those 10 cups of tea every day!
Heat Up Weight Loss
I was not the only one trying to prove that astrologer wrong. My mother was also doing her bit. One day, she met one of her friends in the party who told her that her daughter had lost 10 kilos at Vandana Luthra’s Clinic. The next day, she wasted no time in convincing me to join the course. It was quite simple really. I had to eat a regular diet of fatless boiled vegetables, oilless chapati and some fruits. Then every alternate day, I had to visit their clinic where I had to spend an hour in a heated room. They would measure my weight at the end of every sweaty session! I whooped in delight when I saw the needle move little realizing that the lost kilos were nothing but water!
Slim Gym
After a month of weight loss with all those hot sessions, my mother got worried about me. She felt that my face had lost some of its glow. One of our neighbours remarked that I looked tired and haggard which spurred my mother into action. So, again on the advice of one of her friends (this time a different one), she decided to enrol me in a gym. On the first day, we were met by a beefy looking instructor who looked as if he worshipped Arnold Schwarzenegger every day. When I told him about my tryst with weight loss, he laughed and said that I could eat everything every day. Those words sounded like music to my ears. However, my happiness was short lived! On the first day, he invited me to step on to the treadmill and increased the speed to 8 kilometres per hour. I begged him for mercy but my plea fell on deaf ears. He made me run, lift weights, cycle – all in that one hour! The first week was a torture but there was no question of giving up. Finally, after six months, I had lost 15 kilos and went back to meet the astrologer, only to discover that he had migrated to Himalayas for ever!
Emotional Food
I finally managed to get married much to the delight of my parents. However, some years later, as luck would have it, I became a single mother. Just like Shefali Shah resorts to eating cakes and pastries in the movie ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’ to battle her grief and disappointment, I too sought my refuge in food. To me, food became my best friend in all my problems and the kilos that I had so painstakingly lost came back with a vengeance!
… To be continued
This article by Shailaza Singh was published in Rashtradoot Newspaper’s Arbit Section on 26 September 2021
My Fat Loss Journey 